Sunday, August 28, 2005

the couch taken hostage: the website

Below is an exerpt taken from a website claiming to be in possession of the Couch. The following message contains explicit language depicting horrible acts. Parents, I would advise you to not let your children read this message. Please brace yourself.

Everyone loves the Couch, but unfortunately, the couch will DIE on (date withheld for security purposes) if you don't help.

I found the Couch several months ago behind a building in NY. The Couch looked pretty ragged, it must have been sitting outside for a week. It was wet, stained, ripped, and it looked like a hobo spilled all or most of his Mad Dog 20/20 on it. I took the Couch in, thinking there was no way to get it clean or remove the smell, but miraculously, the Couch recovered. I have since spent several months nursing the Couch back to health. The Couch is a fighter, that's for sure.

Unfortunately, on (date withheld for security purposes), the Couch will die. I am going to shred the Couch and use the remains for stuffing and kindling. I have several projects under consideration, which can be seen, with some pretty graphic images, under the (address withheld for security purposes) section.

I don’t want to shred the Couch, it is my friend, and he has always been the most comfortable piece of furniture you can imagine . However, with God as my witness, I will shred this big guy unless I receive $ (amount withheld for security purposes). Only you have the power to save the Couch. You can help this poor, helpless couch’s cause by sending a donation here (url withheld for security purposes) or by purchasing merchandise at the (address withheld for security purposes) online store.


Blogger Frenchie said...

you weirdo...

8:41 PM  
Blogger maranara said...

that's funny stuff. i like yer humor!! :)

11:31 AM  
Blogger me me me me me said...

i have not liked the new set since day one. so boring!!! loved the comfortalbe setting of the interviewees on the sofa :)

11:52 AM  
Blogger allison said...

and just how much money is the couch going for??

4:06 PM  
Blogger Cali Girl said...

That video is a little scary. I guess the deed has been done. To be honest, I don't even tune into to the Daily Show that often anymore because the new set really irks me. I want it back too!

4:22 PM  
Blogger Artist...Lesbian...Someone new... said...

Just found your blog, too freakin' funny!

4:56 PM  
Blogger R2K said...

But is there proof of life?

R2000 :O)

4:59 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I'm with Alex. Bring on the proof of life, Guido.

5:34 PM  
Blogger Schiodtz said...

isn´t that just a scam of what that guy did to that bunny...(or maybe thats the whoel point and im....a what the hell never mind me ^^)

7:20 PM  
Blogger The Virtual Gamer (Hevvy Metahl in RPGMMO's) said...

I have a friend named Sam Fisher Who might be able to get the couch back for you.

9:03 PM  
Blogger Mukdar said...

I love it. Sick and funny. Love it.

9:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Russian Models!

11:23 PM  
Blogger heidi said...

I love it too.

2:03 AM  
Blogger SCHRmm said...

What can I do to get a chance to sit on that beauty?

5:02 AM  
Blogger OutInLeftField said...

This blog is hilarious! I, too, miss the couch. Maybe...just will come back to us one day.

11:34 AM  
Blogger stevie said...

that is just ridiculos

11:35 AM  
Blogger DaMasta said...

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4:18 PM  
Blogger Sydney said...

huh. its all just a little too remniscent of oral roberts and that vision of the 600 ft angel. Hard to trust anyone after that. ya know?

7:20 PM  
Blogger Ellen said...

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7:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that is so sad im so sorry to hear that that poor little difensless couch is gonna die for no reason i will hear by start the COUCH REVOLUTION to save all further couches from being cinclessly being killed

VIVA LA COUCH!!!!!!!!!!

7:35 PM  
Blogger Lindsey said...

Give the couch more mad dog 20/20! If he's gonna die, at least let him die happy...although, he might be more into Boone's Farm!

9:19 PM  
Anonymous Coleen said...

Thats so sad that you have to kill the couch...tear, tear...i wish there was some way i can help but i'm too poor...but what ya going to goes on....give the couch my wishes for a better after life and i hope that it finds peace in this crule, crule world.

9:52 PM  
Blogger John Bryson said...

What if the couch ends up like Terry Schiavo?

2:43 AM  
Blogger Matthias said...

This is great. It's as funny as the old save the bunny website.

3:12 AM  
Blogger Ms. Mika said...

Oh, no! I'll save u, Couch!

8:44 AM  
Blogger Ms. Mika said...

What is the 'save the bunny website'? What's the url?

8:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

don't kill the couch!!!

4:34 PM  
Blogger Ms. Mika said...

Buster, u never stopped by my site and wished me happy birthday...well, it was a couple weeks back, but you could said something...the Couch would have...(snif, snif)...

1:15 PM  
Blogger Sydney said...

So this couchnabber is good samaritan turned psychopath. One can only wonder at the sick and twisted things that transpired in his youth to turn him/her into such a fiend!

12:16 PM  
Anonymous yadayada said...

You bring me that damn couch right now, or you'll find yourself in a similar situation.

10:38 AM  
Blogger udonotknowme1 said...

What's going on with that guy anyway? Poor couch... ouch..

11:50 PM  
Blogger Renkli Leke said...

It was an interesting story. Nice humor!!!Keep it up.

1:47 PM  
Blogger Edz said...

I just don't get the metaphor, but i will think about it

8:42 PM  
Blogger that lisa girl said...

NOOO!! not the couch! looks to me like it's gone already guys... *tear for the couch*

10:16 PM  
Blogger that lisa girl said...

we should hunt down whoever did this and kick their sorry asses... and even if it wasn't THE COUCH, it was A couch, and NO couch deserves to be treated like that!

10:19 PM  
Blogger Jacob Merk said...

poor, poor couch. such a hard lot in life.

7:35 AM  
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Anonymous Dorothy said...

That's hilarious. I've been looking for Stewart's Unleavened HBO show. Much harder to get than I thought, but I finally found it. Anyway, I got it at if anyone's interested.

9:21 AM  
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Anonymous MoMo said...

I LOVE THE COUCH. I MISS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1:08 PM  
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Blogger Gyrobo said...

If those spiders are any indication, your blog is dead. If you wanted to continue blogging, you'd've turned on your word verification filter by now.

So sad to see a blog die. You never even had a chance, did you bloggy?

9:31 PM  
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