Bring Back the Couch

the couch lives?!

2005-11-15T21:06:00.000-06:00

Jon, I'm...nay, we, are hurt. You let us think the Couch had died, and all this time you had the Couch. All this time worrying and putting ads on milk cartons and "Lost" signs on telephone poles around the country. Thousands of volunteers put hundreds of thousands of man-hours into organizing search parties and sending out Amber alerts, working with forensic scientists who had only a piece of stuffing to work with. They put their lives on hold to try and bring closure to this terrible ordeal. Jesus tapdancing Christ, we even enlisted the help of Ms. Cleo...and she doesn't come cheap. Sure the first five minutes are free, but she keeps you on the line for twenty or thirty, and it's like $9.36 a minute after that. Not to mention having to ask her to repeat herself a dozen times because of that goddamn accent.

There were people who spent hours and even days out in the harsh cold of the world asking, sometimes begging, for money on countless street corners around the country...and when they were walking to the nearest shelter and/or liquor store we mugged them, but that isn't the point. It was all to support the family of the Couch.

Dear God Jon, what about the Couch's family, did you ever think about them? What they must have gone through?! Can you imagine if someone told you that your father/brother/second cousin/next door neighbor/guy who lives upstairs and plays music too loud at 3am was dead and it wasn't true? Huh?! Think how your life would change. Think about how you'd feel if something so important to your life was suddenly gone. You'd be brokenhearted, crestfallen, dejected, depressed, despondent, disconsolate, not to mention heartbroken, melancholy, miserable, saddened, sorrowful, woebegone and maybe even wretched.

It's almost evil what you've done Mr. Stewart, criminal even. Taking away the shining beacon that represented all that was good and pure and just in this world and taking a big dump on it. To think that a man who millions of people let into their homes four nights a week could do something so deceitful and nefarious makes one wonder "Where have all the good men gone...?"

Shame on you Jon Stewart. Shame.

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life

the couch taken hostage: the website

2005-08-28T18:55:00.000-05:00

Below is an exerpt taken from a website claiming to be in possession of the Couch. The following message contains explicit language depicting horrible acts. Parents, I would advise you to not let your children read this message. Please brace yourself.

Everyone loves the Couch, but unfortunately, the couch will DIE on (date withheld for security purposes) if you don't help.

I found the Couch several months ago behind a building in NY. The Couch looked pretty ragged, it must have been sitting outside for a week. It was wet, stained, ripped, and it looked like a hobo spilled all or most of his Mad Dog 20/20 on it. I took the Couch in, thinking there was no way to get it clean or remove the smell, but miraculously, the Couch recovered. I have since spent several months nursing the Couch back to health. The Couch is a fighter, that's for sure.

Unfortunately, on (date withheld for security purposes), the Couch will die. I am going to shred the Couch and use the remains for stuffing and kindling. I have several projects under consideration, which can be seen, with some pretty graphic images, under the (address withheld for security purposes) section.

I don’t want to shred the Couch, it is my friend, and he has always been the most comfortable piece of furniture you can imagine . However, with God as my witness, I will shred this big guy unless I receive $ (amount withheld for security purposes). Only you have the power to save the Couch. You can help this poor, helpless couch’s cause by sending a donation here (url withheld for security purposes) or by purchasing merchandise at the (address withheld for security purposes) online store.

the couch taken hostage: day 1

2005-08-26T17:05:00.000-05:00

Information forthcoming.

just the two of us

2005-08-18T08:34:00.000-05:00

From the moment I heard Jon Stewart
Say I had a home
I knew that I'd be safe
Cuz I'd never be alone
A famous couch shouldn't speak a lot about his feelings
My hurt and my pain got me kinda reeling

I hoped that Rob Corddry, would look up to me
Scrap the tuft of hair, and Bic the head you see
We had a great time, partying since we met
But now things are different, it's gotta be the set

Stephen Colbert would think, that I was in the know
Return the love I have, bring me to his show
Be famous, but have my feelings too
Change my life with Helms, and the guy who's name is "Lew"

But Jon rejected me, c'est la vie
Life is cruel, treats you unfairly
Even so, a God there must be
Samantha Bee, you complete me

Just the two of us, we can make it if we try
Just the two of us, (Just the two of us)
Just the two of us, building castles in the sky
Just the two of us, you and I

the couch returns to it's roots

2005-08-15T18:16:00.000-05:00

coming soon

2005-08-15T09:03:00.000-05:00

Sorry everyone for the extended absense, but I had some personal business to take care of this week. New posts to come soon. Thanks for your continued support.

what happened in vegas?

2005-08-08T17:06:00.000-05:00

"couch envy" starring jon stewart, with jack black as the couch

2005-07-28T21:11:00.000-05:00

Ok, Jon Stewart is listed at 5'7 on the Internet Movie Database...maybe if he's standing on the shoulders of a little person wearing stilletos (the little person is in stilletos, not Stewart, because if Stewart was in stilletos and standing on a little person, the poor guy would be in a world of hurt).

If you're a fan of the show, and I can only assume you are because pretty much everyone is, then you remember the scene repeated nearly every night when Stewart stood to meet a guest as they walked in.

Jon makes the announcement.
The camera cuts to the guest walking in.
The crowd cheers.
Stewart meets the guest and shakes hands.

Now Jon Stewart may be a giant of a man on the inside (where it counts JS, really), but on the outside he isn't exactly as imposing as say...Frankie Muniz circa 2000.

Whenever he met a guest either to the side or directly behind the Couch he was usually getting a fine opportunity to judge how his guest's Panasonic wet-dry lighted ear/nose hair trimmer was working. Now there's nothing wrong with that, and I hear he recently broke off his contract with the electronics giant and is now a spokesman for Braun; but if you get the chance, take a look at what happens when Stewart meets a guest on the new, Couchless set.

Aha! That's right, Stewart meets the guest before they have a chance to walk up the steps to the floor of the raised set, making him literally tower over his guests. You can almost see a little smile on his face too. Could this be it? The reason for the new set? Does Jon Stewart harbor some latent feelings of jealousy against the Couch (when the Couch stood it was measured at an even 8 feet with a long reach and nasty left hook)?

I'm not saying it was Jon Stewart that forced the changes to the set and sent the Couch packing, but...hang on...

Sigmund Freud to the white courtesy phone. Sigmund Freud to the white courtesy phone.

[resume The Girl from Ipanema]

planes, trains, automobiles, and the couch

2005-07-26T18:35:00.000-05:00

Miss the couch? Wish you could have it back; maybe take it wherever you go? Well now you can.

Take a minute to visit The Couch, and after catching up on old times and swapping stories print out the picture and take it with you on your travels. And while you're traveling why not take a picture of yourself and the Couch posing in front of The Grand Canyon. Walking to class on a Wed. and it's so beautiful you just have to skip it? Bring the Couch along. Maybe you're at a taping of a late-night cable comedy show in New York, and you think the Couch would love to see the show too. Wherever you go, take the Couch with you. London, Paris, Tulsa, Rome, Louisville, Prague, Melbourne, Dallas, Moscow, Hong Kong, or even Cleveland, the Couch wants to go with you.

If you're on vacation or just walking the streets of your city. If you're tanning on a California beach or ice fishing in Minnesota. Whether you're running wild in Vegas (it doesn't have to stay in Vegas) or golfing at St. Andrews, it doesn't matter; photographically record the travels of you and the Couch.

If you do decide to include the Couch in the photos of your travels, then e-mail us a copy of the picture(s) at bringbackthecouch at gmail dot com and we'll chronicle the adventures of the Couch. Just remember that any illegal acts that you and the Couch engage in will be denied initially, but even we can't fight a court issued subpoena.

Happy and safe travels to you.

Coouuuuuch!

2005-07-24T12:10:00.000-05:00

have you seen this...ahem...man?

2005-07-22T17:46:00.000-05:00

I've got some bad news. Um the couch...died. Uh...it was a terrible...uh...whoopie cushion accident. But it is no more. -Jon Stewart's taped testimony from July the 20th of this year.

New evidence has just been released suggesting that the whoopie cushion accident was no accident, and there may be more behind the incident that previously thought. We would like to remind you that as of this afternoon no body has been found, and couchnapping for ransom is a very real possibility.

Whoop E. Cushion is wanted for questioning in the disappearance of The Daily Show Couch. If you spot him, for your own safety and dignity, please do not try to detain or sit on him yourself. Notify your local authorities so that they may arrest him as quietly as possible.

don't forget, the 9:30 show is completely different than the 7:30 show. try the veal

2005-07-22T12:59:00.000-05:00

I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend our beloved couch, to ride out the storm of war, and to outlive the menace of tyranny, if necessary for years, if necessary alone. At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do. That is the resolve of The Daily Show fans-every man of them. That is the will of the [slightly crazy] people and the nation. The Comedy Central Empire and the common man, linked together in their cause and in their need, will defend to the death their native couch, aiding each other like good comrades to the utmost of their strength. Even though large tracts of Europe and many old and famous States have fallen or may fall into the grip of Produce Pete and all the odious apparatus of evil rule, we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in America (The Book), we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our couch, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this couch or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the fans of Great Moments in Punditry as Read by Children, would carry on the struggle, until, in This Week in God's good time, Stephen Colbert, with all his power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old.

you maniacs! you blew it up!

2005-07-21T22:47:00.000-05:00

Damn you! God damn you all to hell!

conspiracy theories abound

2005-07-21T10:51:00.000-05:00

Elvis is sitting on the Couch this very moment.
Jimmy Hoffa is taking a nap on the Couch.
Arnold Schwarzenegger bought the Couch as a piece of memorabilia to remember his days as Governor.
The Couch's was called to testify by Patrick Fitzgerald.
The Couch is beating the truth out of Scott McClellan and can't come to the phone.
A bloody bow tie has been found and Tucker Carlson is missing. Is the Couch on the run?
Without a real vacation in years the Couch is relaxing on a private beach.
The UFC has put together a fantastic ticket headlined by The Couch vs. The Douchebag of Liberty, and the Couch is in training.
La-Z-Boy has picked up a new spokes-couch.
Angelina Jolie has been seen with the Couch. Brad Pitt out of the picture?
Fox has a new reality show planned: Survivor: The Showroom.
Will Ferrell and the Couch to star in a new movie: "How to Go Through Life Fat, Drunk, and Stupid."
There is a sexual harassment case pending against the Couch stemming from a supposed "groping incident" when Christiane Amanpour was in town in early May, and the Couch is keeping a low profile.

"the couch...died." -jon stewart

2005-07-20T22:08:00.000-05:00

The Couch has passed on. The Couch is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet it's maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life it rests in peace! If it hadn't been nailed to the stage it would be pushing up the daisies! It's metabolic processes are now history! It's off the twig! It's kicked the bucket, shuffled off it's mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-COUCH!

should the couch make a comeback tour?

2005-07-20T17:59:00.000-05:00

Should The Daily Show Bring Back The Couch?

Please take a second to vote in this poll. If you are blind, please use the braille provided for you on the screen. If you're deaf, it shouldn't matter as you're reading this. If you can't read then it doesn't matter what I write, because you won't be able to understand it. Like right now I could make fun of your mother and you wouldn't know it. Lucky for you I'm a nice guy.

the couch would have given it's left throw-pillow to be on set that day

2005-07-19T08:48:00.000-05:00

the couch thinks scott mcclellan could use a hug...and a 2x4 to the head

2005-07-19T08:32:00.000-05:00

the couch wants a shot at the bow tie. the bow tie is running scared...as she should be

2005-07-19T08:24:00.000-05:00

Can you spot the Freudian slip above? I'm leaving it in.

you can't pass out in an office chair jon. well you can, but...

2005-07-19T08:22:00.000-05:00

the couch has a thing for blondes

2005-07-19T08:15:00.000-05:00

the couch had a bad back for weeks after this show

2005-07-19T08:07:00.000-05:00

chris rock and the couch met years ago in the champagne room...and there was no sex

2005-07-19T08:04:00.000-05:00

you're not good enough and you're not smart enough. compared to the couch you are an intellectual ottoman

2005-07-19T08:01:00.000-05:00

the coffee-flavored coffee stains were a bitch to get out of the couch

2005-07-19T07:56:00.000-05:00

when is a couch not a couch?

2005-07-19T07:43:00.000-05:00

I'm amazed to get such a positive response. I will work on updating things a bit and getting some more pictures in the coming days. Al Green going a bit too far with the Couch will be found, I promise.

the couch can't comment on this picture while there is an ongoing investigation

2005-07-13T19:56:00.000-05:00

be honest, the couch loaned these to you

2005-07-13T19:54:00.000-05:00

the day before the couch gets steam-cleaned

2005-07-13T19:53:00.000-05:00

kissinger coordinates his tie with the couch

2005-07-13T19:50:00.000-05:00

jon, who would you be without the couch? yea, you'd be that guy

2005-07-13T19:47:00.000-05:00

the couch made you. all of you

2005-07-13T19:45:00.000-05:00

hillary dumps bill for the couch?

2005-07-13T19:35:00.000-05:00

dr. ruth talks about sex on the couch

2005-07-13T19:33:00.000-05:00

yes that is scott bakula on the couch

2005-07-13T19:24:00.000-05:00

without the couch, jon would never meet women

2005-07-13T19:22:00.000-05:00

the couch meets a us senator

2005-07-13T19:19:00.000-05:00

that guy, he's not there to see stewart. he's there for the couch

2005-07-13T19:15:00.000-05:00

yet another pose with the couch

2005-07-13T19:11:00.000-05:00

the couch's first taste of fame and fortune

2005-07-13T19:05:00.001-05:00

jon strikes a pose with the couch

2005-07-13T19:00:00.000-05:00

a couch, a couch, my kingdom for a couch.

2005-07-13T09:48:00.000-05:00

After a week off (the withdrawl was hell) The Daily Show has returned...with a new set. Now I'm all for change and and upgrade in technology, but the new look of one of the best shows on television has somehow managed to appear as cold and uptight as the multitude of pundit-filled talk shows one can find on any of the 24-hour news channels; the very same shows The Daily Show mocks so well.

Slate writer Dana Stevens takes on the topic in a piece titled Talk Show Feng Shui. As I read I couldn't help but nod my head and agree with more than a few of her observations.

On the new Daily Show set, both desk and couch have been replaced by a large bean-shaped conference table in a drab grayish white, behind which both Stewart and his guest sit upright in rolling chairs. This setup gives the interview segment of the show a far more formal feel than before, like a Sunday morning public-affairs show.... As Stewart and the guest converse, we see them both only from the waist up, hands folded demurely on the table with their mugs and books between them.

The new desk looks like the kind of table you could find at most public libraries around the country (ten bucks there's already gum underneath it and a sticky spot right where your elbow rests). It is cold and drab and, to be honest, looks cheap as hell. The previous desk was huge, bright blue, and while lit up, radiated the same feeling of fun as the man who sat behind it...then Lewis Black ended his rant and the cameras went back to Jon Stewart.

The guests' couch, on the other hand, is all about informality and coziness: Make yourself at home, it says, never mind the audience and those silly cameras. When the interview portion of the show began, Stewart used to stand up and walk over to the edge of the couch to greet his guest with a handshake (always a fun chance to compare the guest's stature with that of the wee Stewart), then usher him or her back to the sofa for a chat.

The advantages of the couch format are multifold. Guests can not only be seen from head to foot, giving us a sense of their physical presence, their posture, and even their choice of shoes; they can also use the space however they want.

And people did use it however they wanted. Most sat upright on the side closest to Stewart with legs together and feet on the floor, sometimes reaching for their mug to take a sip of what most likely was moonshine made by Stewart himself. Others draped themselves out across the couch looking as relaxed as they would on their own couch in their living room. Recently Will Ferrel even feigned a nap after unzipping his fly. You can't do that in an office chair...well, not without some significant physical discomfot and a high liklihood of a sexual harassment suit being filed by a coworker.

Then there's the issue of the background screen. In the era before the move, Stewart sat in front of a large graphic of a world map. At the top of the show, large capital letters reading "The Daily Show" would scroll by behind his head, but they were transparent, superimposed on an aerial view of Manhattan's skyline that gave a feeling of openness to the space behind his desk. Now, the only graphic visible behind Stewart for the full half-hour is a continuous scroll-by of the words "The Daily Show" in solid cobalt blue. As if this constant movement of letters weren't distracting enough, the words "The Daily Show" also continuously radiate forward from the back of the screen in smaller white caps, originating from directly behind Stewart's head....On its own, the continuous blue scroll might have been forgivable, though it does give the studio a more claustrophobic feel than before. But those radiating white caps are just maddening. It's as if Stewart's head is actually producing the letters, like promotional dandruff.

The background as a whole, not just the radiating white caps, is maddening. Not like bovine spongiform encephalopathy maddening, but more like 'why is it that I can't go 60 seconds without laughing at this?' maddening.

Despite trying to focus on Stewart as he pontificates on material that you just can't make up, you can't help but be a little distracted by the background flashing behind him. Stewart, for comedic purposes, has always wanted to be able to put himself in front of the graphics and pictures that are flashed on screen during the news portion of the show, and now he can as they are displayed on the screen located behind him (note: he has already molested the private area of one picture).

The new set won't keep anyone from watching as the writing is still fantastic and Stewart and Co. are still the best fake news people on the planet, but the new look smacks of The Daily Show taking themselves a bit too seriously, and a lack of seriousness is the halmark of this truly great show.

Let me end by saying that the new set, with it's cold, serious design reminds me of another show Stewart has been on, Crossfire. Just give him a bow-tie and a surgically remove his spine...and I've said too much.

Please look for less serious comments on this topic here and at our affiliate blog: tedhitler.blogspot.com.